Replacing the scattered shards of my soul with a whole me.

Cut-throat words took a hold of me, and severed the tether which attaches my soul to my being. The cut-throat words were spewed at me like hot volcanic ash burning and destroying everything in its wake. Desolation and abandonment filled my now carnaged body leaving behind a deathly darkness, which fed off the humiliation cast my way.

I had surrendered to a rather empathetic evil, an evil which stood over my lifeless body encouraging me to stand up, so that it can inflict more bodidly blows sinking me to my feet. This empathetic evil had a name which I have come to know so well. A name so soft yet so invincible.

This evil was the shrewd and undeniable creation of a sick and twisted society. A creation which was meant to keep kids like me in check. This creation was spawned from hate and darkness so sadistic it was nearly impossible to defeat. As this creation roamed the bustling halls of schools, joyously filled playgrounds and hard-working institutions it exposed itself. The creation finally exposed its one and only chink in its armour.

The chink was difficult for its prey to achieve, impossible to master and dreadfully painful to carry out. The sick and twisted society’s creation was instructed to break, tarnish, manipulate and sadistically ruin its prey, all so that it would be an insurmountable feat to use its chink against it.

You see this creation, this name, this cunning evil I talk about, is something we all encounter. It is something we all have in our lives. This creation, this name, this cunning evil created by society comes in a simple form – friends.

Friends which pledge their allegiance to your cause and then turn the tables, the same friends you trusted with not only your secrets but your only ammunition that could destroy you. These friends are created by society to get close to you, and then destroy you from within that sacred circle.

That is why its so difficult for you to use this creation’s chink against it, because it requires you to forgive the person who has brought you to your knees – begging for mercy. It requires you to forgive the one and only person who has with love dismantled your trust, hope and aspirations in life.

But with that said, the power of love outweighs the deceit. The power of love opens you up to a point where you at your most vulnerable, all so that you are able to embrace the pain and forgive.

“In the unwavering darkness of my soul, I fight to find light with the power of thankless love” – Andrew Richard Hilton

My big boy has weathered the storm

My best friend went to heaven

As I sit in the garden on this fine summers day, watching the dew roll off the blades of grass, rejoicing in the sun’s rays bouncing of my cheeks I sit and wonder did my best friend go to heaven.

I was left without a single answer, and was stuck remembering the day I lost her. Struggling to keep the tears from escaping the answer came to me in the form of a white feather. This white feather I would like to think was sent to me from her, all the way from heaven.

I knew that she was laying down next to me, silently watching over me. I knew that she had taken it upon herself to walk in my shadow protecting me from the evils lurking in the darkness. I knew that she was content and at peace.

Some say dogs go to heaven, but then I say that their heaven is down here on earth watching over us.

Saved by the whispers

Cursed with a burning desire – a desire that haunts me so- to unravel the great intricacies of life, I set vogue on a journey some prophesied as dangerous and self-destructing.

The journey I embarked on and will always set sail for is painful but yet so rewarding. I have fallen many a time, and as time slowly passes me by I pick myself up each and every time, but each time is different from the first. Each time I dig deeper and wrestle the courage from my cowardly bones, and call on my inner strength- which is always far off fighting my soul’s battles against evil- to help me get up and carry on.

What makes it a strenuous and heart-wrenching experience each and every time is the fact that I find myself fighting the same battles over and over again? I find myself fighting against the same resilient enemy each time. An enemy which is not easily overcome nor slain, an enemy that grows stronger with every punch thrown or every target hit.

An enemy that never leaves my side, an enemy that is always one step ahead, but two steps behind. My enemy lives in the darkness, but can be seen in the daylight all too clear. My enemy surrenders for the few hours I sleep, but wakes with revenge.

It became all too apparent one day that this will be no easy task. Then on one fateful day a few words saw me relish in victory. These words were echoed by the pesky voices within. Voices that often and without warning, usher words of advice on which I have come to rely. “Step out from behind your shadow”.

All along I have been fighting with myself.

Since that day I have overcome my fears of being ordinary and found myself in the processes of; dissecting the truth, casting doubt, raising suspicion, standing up against simple lies and inspiring a few.

Fight or Flight, just a numbers game.

“Unity and independence are but the same thing, for when we stand together it’s only ourselves we are protecting.” – Andrew Richard Hilton

Since the dawn of time, when the adolescent sun beat down on the earth with vigor, a recurring theme plagued mother earth. This message transcended more than one species at the time and enveloped all her passengers. A simple message it is – a message that has withstood the passage of time- and which finds itself within the well knitted matrixes of society now. A message that conveys as follows: one feels safer amongst many, compared to standing alone.

As much as we try and deny this fact that has been proven eons before, we can’t. We see it in modern day politics, warfare and times of disaster. When applied to politics, it doesn’t take one long before you yourself can spot this truth. Politicians on more than one occasion rally behind senior politicians, protecting them from externalities, when in fact they are saving themselves from the chopping block.

Warfare has slithered onto mother earth – just as a snake slithers onto a rock to bask- and when in action constricts and kills. This unnatural act of mankind has demonstrated with much revolt this truth we speak about. Soldiers fight in numbers so that they are not caught alone and vulnerable. Countries stand together to defeat a common enemy only so that they won’t have to perish. Kings and generals fight alongside their troops, knowing that when push comes to shove they are protected.

Undeniably we as ordinary people relate and understand this common truth much too well. We are subject to this misguided fantasy that has been told around the endlessly burning camp fires. We feel that if we are surrounded by people like us that the world won’t be forced to draw attention on us.

When things go wrong we clinch to the hope that someone else can rescue us from our problems, whether we are rescued by the voices of millions, or by the actions of a few.

People use others not for their money or for their fame, but for a more primal desire, and that is protection. By standing in the crowd we rely on others to fight our battles, rather than being that resounding light at the end of the tunnel.

Ultimately the message being conveyed by this quote is that many are unable to distinguish themselves from the rest, fall into a comfort zone that is masked by a fake sincerity and fail miserably at protecting themselves. Just as you think you might be seeking refuge in the masses, so is each and every individual in the crowd.

One Man, One Voice – long lost but not forgotten.

A simple yet powerful quote, which does not justify his wondrous and momentous achievements as a father,husband,brother and grandfather.